Sunday, April 25, 2010

NyteBeauti is OFFICIAL!!!

That's right! You read it right! The contract is signed, and we are officially on our way to print!

It's been a long 6 years. But to finally see it come to fruition, has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life. Of course, my kids, and my husband are. But this is such a personal achievement. I can't even begin to explain it. It's on such a personal level, so completely different from anything else. Even Childbirth, while I will always consider that one of my greatest, is completely different from this. I shared that with my family. It wasn't mine, alone.

This book though.... is MINE. No one held my hand through it. No one offered me pain meds when it got tough. No one picked up the pencil for me and wrote a chapter here or there. No one pushed a button, and turn off the writer's block when it happened. It was ME. Is that to say I didn't have inspiration? Or support? Absolutely not. I did. TONS of each. But what it comes down to is this. The story. The time. The effort it took to put it on paper, and transfer to digital media. To track down, research and find a reputable publisher, and bring us to this point.... That alone is MY achievement. And now, I can sit back, and watch as those who SUPPORTED me and INSPIRED me through the process remain ever so happy for me, and those who doubted, and said I couldn't, or even shouldn't, do it, race to catch up, so they can jump on the bandwagon.

As I said on my Fan Page... I will remember those who supported me. And I will remember those who didn't. I think that says it all. :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Back to the Grindstone!

Put in my Turbo Jam Turbo Sculpt after a year's worth of baby making. It's 5 months postpartum, and I'm ready to start losing weight again. I was feeling SO good when I was doing this. It's TIME! So...

Day 1 - 35 minutes TJ TS.
             60 minutes Yoga Booty Ballet

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Breast Fed Children are NOT Being Abused!

And yet another, who finds some way to twist the bible, and the truth, into something wretched, horrid, and disgusting. If this woman were sitting next to me right now, I'd punch her in her stupid, ignorant face.

For her to sit there, and spew this garbage, and not expect some sort of backlash, is beyond unbelievable. I have not, nor will I EVER look at my children in a sexual manner, whether I breastfed them, or bottle fed them. This woman is SICK. All of her 'facts' are nothing more than biased, twisted opinions on something she herself finds sexual in nature.

I've had the most success at breastfeeding with my youngest, Jace. We've just hit the three month milestone, infact. But I can tell you, here and now, I have NEVER once, had a single, solitary sexual thought, while he was latched on. I've not had so much as a twinge of sexual feelings, while I sat, nursing my child. NEVER, have I fantasied by about giving, or getting, oral sex from my son, as I gazed down at his angelic face, while he fed from me, his mother, in a way that nature, and God, intended. (Please do not misunderstand. I am not saying bottle fed babies, or their mommy's are anything less, this is STRICTLY in response to this particular article.) I am just appalled, and disgusted by these people, who think they can twist and skew the truth for their own agendas, and then publish their CRAP as documented fact.

http://ww1.highlandclassifieds.com/js/mi/c47195/b45757/r779541/2134841.html




The 10 most important points:



1. What is a paedophile? (USA spelling: pedophile)


A person who is sexually attracted to children.



2. Are women who enjoy breastfeeding children paedophiles?


Yes they are, because they feel sexually aroused with breastfeeding and some even admit this has led to orgasm. But even if the female clitoris, vagina, ovaries and uterus didn't exist, breasts are sexual in nature, not only because they can provide high physical pleasure in a more sustained manner than the clitoris and the vagina, but also because the mother craves physical contact with the child, eg she wants to have her breasts sucked, and uses the child to satisfy her cravings. This is not love, this is lust. Many women become so addicted that they carry on breastfeeding their children until they are 8 or more years, most in secret. This is not acceptable and is child abuse. Moreover the children are very likely to behave like the mother when they grow up, and the spiral of paedophilia will continue.



3. What are the sexual organs in a woman?


Breasts, clitoris and vagina. They are connected and can communicate with each other and can all give high sexual physical pleasure. Breasts are sexual in nature, just like the clitoris and vagina are. They crave for physical contact and specially sucking. For example, oral sex between adults covers sucking the breasts, sucking the clitoris, sucking the penis. If a woman wants breast physical pleasure she should find another adult to have fun with, not a child.



4. Why is it that some people say that breast milk is best - is it true?


No, it is not true. In fact breast milk has many drawbacks: 1) the mother cannot accurately judge if the child is drinking enough for growth on a day to day basis. 2) cow's milk can be formulated to be just as nutritious or better than breast milk in a consistent manner, eg the mother's milk will vary in quality according to her general health (it is a known fact that diseases like for example AIDS from HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) can be transmitted through breast milk and if a child is breastfed by the wrong mother (or the biological mother is known to have one or more infectious diseases), tests are undertaken to find out if the child has been infected), formula milk is always the same and since it has been ultra heat treated (the ready made type in cartons), it is more safe. Some types of formula milk have prebiotics, special nutrients that are similar to the ones found in some fruit and vegetables and can strengthen the immune system. Moreover after a brief period on formula milk (or if preferred breast milk expressed or pumped into a bottle) some mothers are able to give their babies diluted sterilised or ultra heat treated (UHT) cow's milk, and even add suitable for babies oats or rice milk to the diluted cow's milk, plus suitable for babies, eg very small doses, of extra vitamins and minerals, and the babies flourish and grow well. The main thing is to consult a pedologist regarding the water content of the milk, since babies need to drink enough water, and so on. Diluted home made fruit juices and vegetable soups well sieved and put in a bottle are all part of a baby's healthy diet. In fact, the mother and father should have been eating the right diet at least a year before conception of the baby (plenty of fruit and vegetables as part of a balanced diet) and if applicable should have stopped smoking, drinking alcohol and eating junk food to ensure that sperm and egg quality were at their best and more likely to produce a healthy child. 3) With breastfeeding the father cannot share in feeding the children and may feel left out. 4) The mother becomes addicted to breastfeeding and it can affect her relationship with the father. 5) The mother spends most of her time breastfeeding (some 20 times a day or every half hour), which hinders her and the children intellectually. 6) The father may begin sexually abusing the children because he feels the mother is abusing them with her addiction to breastfeeding. Mutual respect is eroded. Moreover the mother may end up having full oral sex with the children, eg involving the sucking of all sexual organs, and some convicted paedophiles and rapists have admitted that their mothers gave them and expected oral sex. It is clear that breastfeeding is the root of most sexual evil, including rape between brothers and sisters and rape by strangers.



5. Why is it that many people find breastfeeding in public disgusting?


Because they sense there is a sexual element to breastfeeding and that children are being abused.



6. But if most mammals breastfeed, isn't it what nature intended?


Nature is both good and evil. The human brain is complex and capable of making a better choice due to science and technology. The right thing to do is to choose good and not use children as sexual objects.



7. But most children seem to want and enjoy the breast?


Children are born ignorant and will adapt to what is given to them. If a child is fed from birth on formula milk (or if preferred breast milk expressed or pumped into a bottle), he/she will not want or miss the breast. He/she will end up more independent (feeding himself/herself with the bottle) and will get the benefit of being fed by both parents, not just one.



8. Is it true that breast milk helps with a higher IQ in children?


No, the opposite is true. The child (just like the mother) becomes obsessed with the breast and has less interest in his/her surroundings. Breastfeeding on demand not only impairs the intellectual progress of the mother, but also of the children. Moreover, there is biological intelligence and acquired intelligence. Biological intelligence is based on healthy eggs and sperm from parents and grandparents that have lived a healthy lifestyle with plenty of fruit and vegetables. Acquired intelligence has to do with the learning process of a baby. The more intellectual stimulation a baby gets the more connections the brain creates and the more intelligence.



9. Who wrote this page, a woman or a man?


A woman.



10. What advice would you give to women who breastfeed?


Give it up. Be addicted to love, eg helping your child with his/her learning of the world, teaching him/her right from wrong, playing with your child games that may improve his/her intellectual abilities. Research has shown that is never too early to help a child intellectually. For example, even in the womb some babies like to listen to soothing music and their brains can store memories. Lusting after children for sexual gratification is paedophilia and breastfeeding should be made illegal. Men paedophiles are taken to court if they sexually abuse children, women paedophiles should suffer the same fate. If a woman is still keen on giving a child breast milk, use breast pumps to extract the milk or express the milk and put it in a bottle. Resist temptation. Don't use children as sexual objects.


NOTES:


1. Please don't say: "Virgin Mary breastfed, was she a paedophile?" How could a virgin have a baby without sex in those days? IMPOSSIBLE. If she enjoyed breastfeeding, she was a paedophile, and she definitely had sex.


2. Please don't say: "God made breasts for babies." Wait a minute, did you forget that the devil also exists? Breasts were very likely to be designed by the devil, to trap you and ensnare you and get you to lust after children. THINK ABOUT THIS: There are TWO gods, one good, the other bad. BUT THEY BOTH HAVE PLENTY OF POWER. Who are you going to follow?


3. Please don't say: "Whatever next, an anti vagina campaign?" Yeah, you are quite right. How about a PRO CLONING campaign? You reproduce by dividing in two, like bacteria do. You make a copy of yourself, like identical twins do. Much better than all the mess and abuse of sex and sexual organs, and let's face it more utterly DIVINE.


4. Please don't say: "The bible this and the bible that." The bible is just full of sickening lies. Most of it a work of fiction (miracles, resurrections and so on). But then fiction is more popular than fact. I bet is the devil in you. And no, this has nothing to do with atheism since there is definitely good and evil. Is just that the truth is not in the bible. What did you say? That your mom believes in the bible? And I say to you, use your own brain lady. Use a magnifying glass. Find all the lies.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Children are to be RAISED... not TRAINED.

So, I came across this article, and was absolutely sickened by what I've read. These people, the Pearls, need to be shown what their brand of 'child rearing' feels like. NO CHILD should have to endure what these people call discipline. By all means, copy and paste this article, along with the following links, in your own blog, on your myspace and facebook pages. Email them to your friends and family. GET THE WORD OUT.


"Many of you have probably heard about the little girl who was killed by her parents this month as a result of them following the Pearls’ advice in “To Train Up a Child.”

I wrote about it here if you’re not familiar with it.

People have been silent about the Pearls for years, even though they have been linked with a child’s death in the past and they advocate practices that many of us feel are heartless and abusive. A few bloggers have spoken out against them and some (like me and many mothers I know) have boycotted some sites who were affiliated with them.

Too many of us have stayed quiet, though. Some people think parents have a right to use this sort of “discipline” even if they don’t agree with it while others are just uncomfortable with the thought of speaking out against it. People are finally starting to vocally call this system what it is, though — abuse — and are standing up to it.

I listed quite a few of them and quoted them here.

The book is online and I read parts of it to see if it was being misinterpreted, as some people are claiming. People have said it contains “good things” too, but I didn’t see a speck of anything good. It gave me a stomach ache and made me hurt for all of the children being raised in these methods.

There are triumphant stories of beating the author’s 4 month old baby with a willow branch until she learned not to try to crawl up the stairs, proud stories of the author’s daughters telling a neighbor mother that she needed to “switch” her 7 month old baby for crying because “if he’s old enough to pitch a fit, he’s old enough to be switched.”

Michael Pearl tells parents not not even wait until their children do anything wrong before hurting them because then they won’t be properly trained. He teaches that his methods (whipping with plumbing line, branches, rulers and other instruments) should be used until parents have “100% compliance.” He has advised parents they should continue until children are “too breathless to protest” and has said “if she can cry out for you it’s not hard enough.”

People online have said that they respect other parents’ rights to use these methods. It should not be okay to respect a parent’s “right” to terrorize and abuse children.

I’d like to challenge everyone who has a blog or writes a column to add your voice on behalf of children against these cruel teachings. If you don’t have a blog, speak out about it on online parenting groups, post against the Pearls on Facebook, bring it up in play groups and churches.

Let’s flood the internet and our communities with people speaking out and calling a spade a spade. It’s not a different discipline method, it’s child abuse. It’s not Christian. It’s evil.

Thanks for listening, speaking up and being the kind of parents who give me back some faith in the world."

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/05/25/the_pearls/index.html

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-23788-Mankato-Attachment-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m2d24-Another-childs-death-linked-to-Pearls-and-To-Train-Up-a-Child

Monday, February 15, 2010

Twilight Guide

Twilight
Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Movie

A Happy Valentine's Day to all!

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

Just wanted to get that out, before I continued on with more late night randomness.

It's been two days since Malcolm's Neuro appointment, and he doesn't seem to have any lasting trauma from being hooked up to the EEG. Lord knows he HATED it, and the following morning, he was still sensitive about having his head touched, to today (Sunday) he was back to his normal self, enjoying multiple viewings of Cars, eating peanut butter sandwiches and pizza rolls. Just waiting for his next appointment to roll around. March 9, he'll have an MRI done, and then finally, we'll get the results from these on he 25th. It's going to be a long month, I think.

Jace is doing GREAT! Cooing and babbling like a pro. At 2 1/2 months, he's already starting to drool like a machine. Isn't it a bit early for teething? Yet he's gnawing on everything he can get into his mouth. Crazy. So he's 13 pounds, 10 ounces and 24 1/2 inches long. Growing like a weed, and yet, he still looks so very tiny to me. I suppose after playing with a 37 pound, 39 inch tall two year old, 13 pounds WOULD seem a bit small. Haha.

Other than spending our busy days taking care of the two sweetest little boys, (if not rambunctious at times) the sound of furious typing has begun to fill the house once again, as I finally finish up transcribing the book from handwritten notebook, into a typed and formatted version, ready to send to the publishers. I certainly wish they'd accept my handwritten version. It's so much easier for me to actually write, than to type as I think, but I guess I'm kind of odd and old fashioned that way. Everyone seems to write now, on the computer, while I still have box after box of wire-bound notebooks, awaiting my scribbles, rambles and outlines.

So, for now, this will be a short blog, since I'm actually more motivated to continue typing up the book, rather than sit here and relay the happenings of our day. =P

So, until next time...

Friday, February 12, 2010

Late night ramblings...

Another late night... and once again, my brain refuses to settle down long enough to let me sleep, so, here I am, working through the inner workings of my brain, trying to put everything in it's place.

On tonight's plate... Malcolm's appointment tomorrow (or rather this morning.) Though in my heart of hearts, I know it will all work out, and it's for the best, the not knowing what to expect, is killing me! I have NO idea what will happen. Will they just do an intake, or will they start testing right away? What sort of tests will they do? Will they hurt him? Scare him? Or just piss him off?

Of course, I'm praying they find absolutely nothing, and it turns out that we just have a very stubborn 2 year old. But there's a small area in the back of my brain, that part that whispers incessantly, that they'll find something.

We've been dealing with speech and developmental delays now for almost two years. Just around the time of his first birthday, I started noticing an odd shape to his index fingers. Especially on his left hand. They curved inward, the finger on his left hand actually, at times, overlapping his middle finger. And from the second knuckle up, they looked, for all intents and purposes, underdeveloped. He still wasn't pincher grasping, and thus, cheerios, cheez-its, oreo bites, and other basic finger foods were going untouched. While other 1 year old's were beginning to self feed, exploring their world by popping everything not nailed down into their mouths, Malcolm refused to get his hands dirty, let alone put anything unknown into his mouth. He would ONLY eat, what Mommy and Daddy would hand him. And of course, it had to be from our hands to his mouth. If we held a bite of peanut butter sandwich out for him, he'd simply bring his mouth down to our hand. NO WAY was he picking it up. All of his toys, and a few of ours, that had buttons to push, were bypassed. He used his middle finger to push buttons, or this thumbs. But he outright avoided use of his index fingers. At first, it was cute. But soon enough, it grew into a concern. He should be learning to use his own spoon. He should be covering himself in spaghetti and chocolate cake. We should be chasing after him non-stop, crying out, "No, don't put that in your mouth!" He wouldn't even take a teething ring.

We brought our concerns to his pediatrician, and she sent us to an orthopedic. BIG waste of time. He handed our then 1 year old a pencil, pressed down his index knuckle and said, "He doesn't have congenital trigger finger, so... he'll just outgrow this." Fist grabbing had never been the issue. His finger locking in place, never an issue. USING those fingers, that was the issue. And what about the development of them? Not a single test, or x-ray was given to address OUR concerns. We were told, "If you have any more concerns, feel free to come back." Yeah... right. Hide and watch.

So... we returned to the pediatrician. Turns out, the ortho never even sent her the file that we'd even showed up, let alone their 'diagnosis'. She asked US, "Did you guys go?" We were shocked. "YES! We actually called the day after you referred us, and made an appointment for the following week!" Needless to say, she was just as disgruntled as we were. So, she sent us to a plastic surgeon, and into First Steps, to begin occupational and developmental therapy. The surgeon, was WONDERFUL, and his honesty in the matter meant more to me, than he'll ever know. AFTER x-rays were taken, he went over them with us. There was a definite deformity with the little bones in Malcolm's fingers, which was causing the curvature. But because he was so little, the dr. wasn't comfortable doing surgery. "Not until he's at least 6." That's all good and well, but the problem remains. If he doesn't start using these fingers now... he's never going to learn to self feed, use a fork, pick up a pencil. At age 6, this minor little issue will turn into a life long struggle to catch up. If we wait until age 6, to address this, already, he will be behind in school by two years. Add to that now, the time it takes him to recover which equals more time NOT using, and that's what we need to make up, to get him 'up to par' as it were.

First Steps was our last hope, at this point. Developmental therapy started out very good. A lot of play therapy. Learning to use 'appropriate play', which helped develop the basic skills. Occupational therapy was teaching him how to use his hands appropriately, in spite of the curves in his fingers. After about 6 months, we dropped the development therapist. We had this crazy notion, that it would probably work a lot better, if she'd actually show up regularly to our appointments. That was about the time we did a re-evaluation, and together with our Pediatrician, and our Occupational Therapist, we decided that it would serve him best now, if we brought in a speech therapist. At 18 months, he was saying only 3 or 4 words, and only after one of us would say them first. He wasn't communicating verbally at all.

Fast forward to now. At age 2 1/2, he still doesn't speak much, except for the occasional outburst. "Mamamama", "Mooooo", "NO!" What he HAS learned though, is some sign language. And he's learned to use it to communicate his wants and needs. "Oatmeal", "Book", "NightNight/Nap", "Milk", "Mommy", "Daddy", "No", "Good Job!", "Car" (He loves that movie, so Car was an important one to learn) and several other words. His 'vocabulary' has grown by leaps and bounds over the course of the last 4 months, when we decided to introduce sign language into his therapy. His comprehension is off the charts. We can ask him to do multiple tasks, and he does them. All. Without hesitation. He just won't speak.

So, enter the neurologist. Referred to us by his Pediatrician, his appointment is later this morning. At my request, I want to simply start ruling things out. I don't want to treat him for 'stubborn' if there is an underlying cause. At the same time, I want peace of mind that there actually isn't anything wrong. Call me selfish. I can deal with 'stubborn much easier, if I'm not worried about it being something else.

And so, in spite of the fact that I need to be up in four hours, I can't even imagine laying and closing my eyes. Don't get me wrong. I'm exhausted. But, as I said in the beginning... The brain simply refuses to shut off.

Monday, February 8, 2010

A Winding road....

Called Postpartum Depression.

it's an ugly beast, that takes its toll, not only on the Mother who suffers from this condition, but on everyone near her. Rational thought is no longer an option. It's all about what she feels at the time she feels it. Her emotions become law, and no matter how hard she tries to rationalize, no matter much she wants the world to make sense again, it just won't.

The littlest thing will set her off, creating yet another avalanche of emotions that she is unable to control. First, she gets angry. Then, bewildered. This is often followed by complete and total devastation, because those around her, 'refuse' to understand. After this, she becomes bogged down by the ton of weight that often comes with extreme amounts of guilt. Afterall, those around her, didn't deserve her outburst. And so... here come the tears. No telling how long they'll last this time. But it's always the same thing, that stops them. As we turn full circle though this beast that is PPD, she's now angry again, because dammit... she shouldn't have to feel guilty for being sick!

And this, is the process that my brain goes through. Once, twice, sometimes a dozen times a day. And I know I'm not alone. And yet, like many, I find myself apologizing, not because I ranted, or because my thoughts led me down some irrational road, but because I can't control this illness. Because I can't snap my fingers and make it go away. Because I can't push it aside, and pretend it doesn't exist, for the benefit of everyone around me. Believe me. If I could, I would turn it off. It doesn't work that way.

I find myself disconnecting from everything, and everyone around me. There is one exception. Our sweet baby, Jace. For some reason, my journey through PPD has taken a twist. Instead of my PPD focusing on the new baby, as it often does, it seems Jace is the ONLY other human on this planet right now, that I don't feel like slapping. The disconnect comes in waves, and often leaves me feeling even more alienated and alone than before. I want to spend time with husband. I get an urge to play on the computer with him. Watch a movie together, chow down on a pizza, and have a carpet picnic in front of the TV. And as soon as he's withing proximity... I want to be left alone. And poor Malcolm, has pretty much taken on the brunt of this depression. Everything he does, grinds on my nerves. Nothing out of the ordinary, or untypical of a two year old. But in my out of sync brain, I see everything he does, as a personal attack against me. "How dare he? After everything I've done for him. After all the fighting I've done on his behalf. How dare he throw his toys on the floor and not pick them up!"

I told you it didn't make sense.

The worst part is that it's like the stories you hear about a person being possessed. They can witness, from some black corner of their mind, everything their body does, everything their mouth says, but they are powerless to stop it. I hear myself yelling, and crying, and ranting about the Hot Wheel on the floor. But I can not control the emotion enough to make myself stop. It's completely irrational, and completely out of my control...

Thank GOD, my doctor has listened to me. Thank GOD, he sees this for it is. Not some lunatic mom, blaming her inability to control her toddler on some outside source. We started out on 10mg of Lexapro. I definitely felt calmer, at first, but it just wasn't enough. After four weeks, I found myself daydreaming, constantly, about running away, disappearing, leaving behind everyone, and everything. I found myself walking away from conversations and confrontations, not because I didn't want to deal with them, or the stress, but because I was afraid I was going to haul off and slap/punch/choke whoever I was having these interactions with. All I wanted to do, was make someone else feel just as bad as I was feeling. When I was putting Malcolm down for his nap, and he went into his typical game of "You can't cover my legs because I'm going to hold them up over my head and giggle until I hiccup" once again, I knew the medication wasn't working, when I walked away. As I closed the bedroom door, ready to take that deep breath, I realized, both of my hands were clenched so tightly into fists, my knuckles were white, and my nails were cutting into my palms. Never before, had it ever been an option to raise a hand, let alone a fist, to my son. And yet, without even thinking, there I was, prying my fingers loose. My next appointment was just a couple of days away.

After telling him what I was feeling, he agreed that the first med wasn't working, and neither was the dosage. So, on Monday, Feb. 8, I started Paxil, at 20mg. I'm hopeful that this will yield better results.

Friday, January 1, 2010

A long Awaited Update

Holy cow it's been forever. Well over a year, I'd say. But, I do have good reason, I SWEAR!Yes, after experiencing a most devastating loss, and then enduring a most troublesome and difficult pregnancy, we were finally blessed with the sweetest little blessing. A little brother for Malcolm!

So, without further ado, let me delve straight into the realm of blogging once again. To say that life is wonderful, is an understatement. But to say that it has not been met with it's fair share of difficulty, would be an outright lie. As mentioned, almost from day one, my pregnancy with Jace was faced with problems. First, we had to get past our fears. Every morning, it seemed, I had to remind myself that this pregnancy was not a dream. Morning sickness hit hard, and soon enough, turned itself into a most detestable case of hyperemesis. Somewhere at about 25 weeks... I had about 3 weeks without any nausea or vomiting, only to have it return. In fact, the hyperemesis in and of itself, was the root of most of my problems during this pregnancy. Potassium levels were all over the place, causing stress on my heart. I actually dislocated a rib, from all of the vomiting, and weight gain, or rather loss, was always an issue. When all was said and done, on my final dr's appointment, total weight gain was -6 pounds. But, I'm so happy to say that Baby Jace was born happy and healthy, and is beyond loved and cherished.

We were able to come home the day before Thanksgiving, a very bittersweet event. The one year anniversary, to the day, that we learned our angel baby had been called back into God's arms, would be buffered by the joy of bringing home a beautiful, healthy, beautiful baby boy. It was exactly what I needed to finally get that last bit of closure. To be able to think on the joy we felt for those 10 perfect weeks, without anger or sadness. What a beautiful gift Jace is.

As I count my blessings, and believe, I do, I must also be honest, and come to terms with the fact that sometimes, not everything in life is perfect, or blissful. As much as I adore my family, my husband, and my boys, I must also come to terms with the fact that I developed a bad case of Postpartum Depression. Medication is definitely taking the edge off, but I still have ups and downs. Good days and bad. And sometimes... I have days that I can't even bring myself to come out of my bedroom, let alone go outside and face the world. The one positive in all of it though, is that unlike most cases, it has not manifested itself against the newborn. In fact, I've said it several times. If I could take him, to a deserted island, and just be alone, him and I, I would be most happy. It's the rest of the world that can go to hell. Of course, I don't mean that literally. But that's how the depression manifests itself. It's everyone else that I'm feeling disconnected from. Angry with. Sad about. And amazingly enough, the logical part of my brain is aware that the rest of the world has done nothing to warrant my wrath. For the most part. Of course, there are those who just absolutely must push my buttons. For what reason, I can only surmise, as they enjoy being threatened with bodily harm, but that's only an assumption, as I've not actually asked them WHY they continue to say or do the stupid things they do. LOL I guess that's life though. Stupid people will continue to exist. And breed. And the rest of us, will continue to fight the urge to choke them. Haha!

That all said.... I hope everyone had a very blessed holiday, and a fantastic New Year!

Studio 13

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