Tuesday, June 10, 2008

???

Ever feel like no matter what you say... no matter what you do.... no matter what you think... it's all going to be Wrong? And that any opinion you might have, contrary to what is at the moment, popular consensus, is.. well.. just that. Wrong.

I HATE feeling this way. The only thing I feel I can do, to avoid any misunderstandings, or conflicts, is to simply shut my mouth, and 'go with it'. If I speak up, and say what's on my mind. Than I'm just causing problems. Picking a fight. 'Not seeing the whole picture'. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. If I keep silent, than I'm closing myself off. Not allowing those who love me, in. Making things worse. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Ever feel like, no matter what you do, not a single person will ever acknowledge the hard work you do. The time, blood, sweat and tears you put into everything? The sacrifice.

I guess that pretty much sums up everything I'm feeling right now. I don't know WHY I feel this way right now. I don't know WHERE these feelings come from. All I know... is that everything today, has set me off. I'm trying desperately not to take things personally. As calculated slaps in the face. But it gets harder and harder.

I feel like anything, and everything I've done, and do, aren't worth squat to anyone. And like one simple 'favor' acted on my behalf should be rejoiced, as if the planet has just been saved from itself. I don't FEEL like patting you on the back, and making a bit 'to do' about anything right now. Don't expect it from me.

I work my ASS off, trying to keep this house together. Trying to create a home, that is happy, and 'together' for my family. And in return. I don't ask for anything. Maybe that's my mistake. I don't know. Maybe it's true, "If you don't ask for anything, you won't get anything."

To top this all off.. Guilt has started to sink in. I should be joyful, and happy. Malcolm's birthday party is in 4 days. And right now... I'm inches away from calling everyone and telling them to forget it. I don't feel like putting any more effort into it. I feel like I'm the only one that cares about it anyway. What a great Mom I'm turning out to be, huh?

All I want to do is cry... but then.. everyone around will hound me about 'What's wrong?" I don't KNOW what's wrong. I just feel like CRAP!

Or maybe I'm just over reacting, letting my mind wander too much. All I know right now....

Is if I fell asleep... and didn't wake up again for a month...... I'm pretty sure... I wouldn't care.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Happy Birthday Malcolm!

After the Chaos!

Today, though it was overcast, and windy, was not nearly as chaotic, or exciting as last night. LOL. We woke up, and got ourselves ready, and heading BACK for Canal Days. At 11am, the Grand Parade started. Though it was all local businesses, and 'small townish' it was LOTS of fun!! Local police and fire were there, with their lights and sirens blaring, creating fits of laughter from all the kids! I'll post pictures later, when we get new batteries for the camera.

After the LONG parade (It lasted over an hour! Which, for the size of THIS town... was HUGE lol), we headed over to the food tent. YUMMY Fair food! Philly cheese steak sandwiches were fabulous! And then, we went to the midway. No rides, since Malcolm is still too much of a midget, but we can dream for next summer! And today, we made the realization, Canal Days, while it's been a tradition for us every year, will soon become a small family event, since it comes every year, around the 6th of June! This will become, I'm sure, Malcolm's birthday fair! Hahaha.. He had a lot of fun watching the people, and of course, flirting the throngs of high school girls that roamed the area.

Of coure, no fair is complete without a loaded funnel cake! Powder sugar, chocolate syrup and strawberries! Matthew managed to devour his there, I had to get mine wrapped up, and take mine home. LOL. Malcolm, amazingly enough, wasn't very fond of it. He tried one bite, and afterwards, turned his head away.

After that, there wasn't reallly much else to do. So, it was time to start heading back. We passed by the Pop a Balloon, and of course, the carnie yells out, "Play a game, I'll give the baby a prize regardless!" So.. what the hell? We bought a game, and of course, Matthew says, "Oh, not for me, she's playing." Grrrr. so.. I missed the first dart, and then nailed the second two! WOOT! Malcolm walked away with a bright blue and peach colored puppy!

So, back through the craft area, and there was a booth there with pictures of babies EVERYWHERE. I stopped just to see what it was. A 'Cutest Baby Photo Contest'!! So, we paid the dollar, and Malcolm hammed it up! As soon as the site is up and running, I'll foward the website, so everyone can vote for Malcolm! It's a dollar to vote, but the more dollars he earns, the better his chances! Yay!

That was our last stop for the afternoon, so we headed for home. After getting Malcolm settled, we stepped outside, to take a GOOD look around our house. Praise GOD that there was NO damage at all! Again, just that super uply bush, that is getting ripped up soon anyway. LOL!

So, Happy Birthday to our sweet little boy! He's now officially ONE YEAR OLD, and I have about a dozen new gray hairs, from our 'exciting' night last night! LOL!!

Tornado Updates!!!

Hi Everyone!

We're safe now, and I think we're out of the major portion of the storm cell now. Still experiencing some heavy rain and lightening and thunder, and a LOT of wind ( 60 MPH Gusts )

So.. Anyway, we had decided, after celebrating Munchkin's birthday with his Grandpa, (Talk about an exciting birthday! We'll NEVER be able to top this one!) to hit Canal Days (our annual summer street fair). We'd been watching the skies all afternoon, because it had been overcast on and off, and we didn't want to get rained on. Well, it darkened for a bit, but then, the sun came back out, so we decided, it was now or never.

In the 15 minutes it took us to drive from Dad's, to our house, drop off our stuff, and get to the fair, the sky had clouded over considerably. We met up with dad at this point (about 5 minutes after we got there) and we were discussing just scraping the idea, and returning in the morning. The clouds SUDDENLY darkened, and lightening and thunder started booming. As we start heading to our cars, FAST, this guy in yellow (one of festival coordinators) comes RUNNING towards us, waving his arms, motioning behind us and yelling. We couldn't hear, since the band was playing on the park bandstand just about 25 yards from us. As we got closer to him, I made it out.

"TURN AROUND! GET INTO THE MIDDLE SCHOOL GYM!"

I glanced, and EVERYONE was swarming the school. I called out to Matthew and Dad, and told them what I'd heard. At that point, the band stopped, and then we finally heard it. Tornado sirens were blaring!

So.. we RAN..pushing stroller and everything.. towards the school. We finally got in, and cell phones are ringing like crazy, of course. I texted just a couple of people, just to let them know what was happening, JUST IN CASE. Then my phone rings. Matthew's sister, Laury is FREAKING out, because no one was answering our phone. I assured her we were safe, inside the school gym, and that dad was with us. Matthew's other sister, Staci, calls Dad on his cell, and tells us to keep an eye out. Cylea was at canal days with some friends. OH DEAR GOD. First..why is the 8 year old at canal days with friends, and no parents?! NO time to worry about that.. we gotta find her. We never did. Turned out, the friend's parents arrived, and dragged them home. lol. Of course, we didn't know this until AFTER we got home... Grrrrr.. Thanks for the flippin phone call!

Anyway... As we were waiting out the tornado, the tv's were on, and sure enough, one touched down near the airport, with is about 10 miles south of us.. And then, reports of another near the Coliseum, touching down, with is about 10 miles WEST of us! AIIIEE!!!

Just as that happened, a woman screams, and in about 10 minutes, fire and rescue show up. Her husband, we're assuming, had a heart attack. Needless to say, this was about the time REAL panic set in. I heard someone talking about what to do, if things got 'interresting', with the babies. Take them out of their strollers, lay them flat on the floor, and lay on top of them. It was about all of two seconds, that I had Malcolm unstrapped, and in my arms. I wasn't going to WAIT until AFTER people were screaming.

Ugh... Well.. about 45 minutes later, the sherriff made the statement that, though he didn't recommend it, the weather was cleared up enough that we could leave and go home. But that we needed to just head STRAIGHT home. So, that's what we did. A middle school gym, made of brick, with 250 other panicking bodies, with NO A/C... ONE bottle, and a three diapers... NO WAY. Besides. I'd much rather panic in the privacy of my own home, than in a public display of embarrassment.

So... on our way home, we noticed a LOT of damage to trees, and the outside of houses. It was still pretty dark when we were driving, and power was out on a lot of streets. But fortunately, God kept his hand on our house, and from what we've been able to see so far, we sustained no damage, except for the large flowering bush that sits just to the side of our porch. It's pretty smushed, and white petals are everywhere. I'm not terribly upset about his, btw. I wanted it yanked long before now. LOL. Our biggest 'problem' was Milo's inability to deal with stress. Quite literally, this 'event' scared the pee out of him. LOL. I can't say that I much blame him. This is closer to a tornado than I ever care to visit again. They are MORE than welcome to stay out of my little neck of the woods. Twice in 8 years, is PLENTY for me, is twice too many. I didn't get to sleep through this one, and now, I'm fully aware of what happens when they're this close. It's now a hour since the warnings have expired, and 5 hours since this chaos started, and poor Milo is STILL in a state of "HOLY CRAP!" LOL.

Malcolm, of course, was WONDERFUL through it all. Unlike a lot of the other little ones, he didn't cry once. He didn't whine, or fuss. He was calm, and quiet, and just incredibly alert, watching everything around him. In fact, when I took him out of the stroller, just holding him, helped to settle my own nerves. He's such a GOOD BOY!

Tomorrow, when daylight is upon us, and these storms pass, we'll be able to go out and get a better look. I'm just trying now, to settle my nerves enough to try and get some sleep.

So, if you all would pass this along, to others, and just let everyone know, that A) we're okay, and B) we may be MIA for a bit, (I'm BARELY online right now. My email is all I can get to.) I'd really really appreciate it! You all know the respective 'groups' that need updating.

But for now, I shall retire, and hopefully, wake up to a more 'normal' day.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Something I can Agree with

Letter from one 'Angry Woman'

"If your not willing to stand behind our troops, please feel free to stand
in front of them!!" Freedom is never Free.

Letter from one 'Angry Woman' I don't know who wrote it but they should have
signed it. Some powerful words. This woman should run for president.

Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one
ticked off lady.

'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started
by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001?

Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered
that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nation's
capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ?

Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or
crushing death that day, or didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was 'desecrated' when an
overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?..Well, I don't. I don't
care at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for
incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring
about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi
Arabia

I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off
Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Iraq come out and
fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in
mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of
nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs

I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First
Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of
the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an
Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this : I don't care.

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been
humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don
t care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to
move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't
care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and
fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that
his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your
heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and
other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and-you guessed it-I don't care
!!

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends.
Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous
behavior!

If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you
choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed
by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country!

And may I add:

'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in
the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem' -- Ronald Reagan

I have another quote that I would like to add AND......I hope you forward
all this.

'If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation
gone under.' Also by.. Ronald Reagan

One last thought for the day:

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American
sentiment and negativity, we should remember England 's Prime Minister Tony
Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament
members why he believes so much in America , he said: 'A simple way to take
measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.

Monday, June 2, 2008

God is so Great!

So, last Thursday, was kind of a crappy day. Well, I won't say the whole day. It started out well enough. Then Matthew came home like 30 minutes early. Something told me something was wrong.

Matthew was called in, and told that the company he works for is not doing all that great, and that they were going to lay off some people. 'I hate to see you go, I'm really sorry." is what the supervisor told him. In my 'humble' opinion, his words are nothing more than rehearsed, empty words to make himself feel better, for having to do a job that the General Manager SHOULD of done himself. See, Phil is a megalomaniac, who is under the firm belief that this company is his own little sandbox. And when he doesn't like you, or something you've done, instead of simply talking to you about it, like a grown up would, he kicks sand in your face, takes away his toys, and leaves, to go sulk in his office. He's even promoted this supervisor guy, 6 months after he got hired, to train him to do all of this 'work' so that HE himself doesn't have to do it. He sits in his office, playing with the latest batch of electronic goodies that he's purchased, using company money.

Okay, so, I got that out of my system. I would LOVE to say that to his face, but.. well.. yeah. Anyway.. As you can probably detect, this weekend was a bit stressful. Matthew and I seem to do REALLY well together, when times of crisis hit. As Ironic as that is, the 'stressful' part came to play when we tried to lay down to sleep. When our Mind's Eye went into overdrive, and started playing out scenario after scenario.

I should say that as soon as we talked Thursday afternoon, he was online, applying for Unemployment, and he called the temp agency to reactivate his name. So Friday, was spent running errands, (waiting for Staci and John to arrive, since we ran out of gas.. lol) and basically just taking care of 'regular' everyday stuff. Saturday, we tried to alleviate some stress by hitting the garage sales. We found a LOT of really nice deals. Lots of clothes for Malcolm, some scrapbooking stuff, and even a few things for Matthew! All in all, we might have spent between 20.00 and 30.00.

So...Sunday wasn't all that bad. We more or less just spent the day together. Being a Sunday, there wasn't much that we COULD do, so, we tried our best not to stress about things.

Then today, Monday, at about 9am, we got a call from the Temp agency. They found something for Matthew! So.. we talked about. There wasn't a lot of information, as the agency only got the account last week, but.. this was what we decided. Accept the job. IF it turns out that the job is horrible, or that it isn't what was advertised, no harm, no foul, at least you tried. Then the mailman came. And OH GLORY! A notice from the unemployment office, saying his application had been approved, and another from the IRS, stating we should be receiving our stimulus check BY the 6th! So, we went down to the office, filled out Matthew's paperwork, and then went to the party supply store to check out what they had. At this point I still had NO idea what kind of theme I wanted to do for Malcolm's party...

Well.. they had a 1st birthday set that was PERFECT! It will match his cake PERFECTLY!! AND...we also decided on a large bouquet of balloons! I'm so excited right now, because until now, it was, "I really HOPE we can do all of this. I HOPE this will fit into our budget." Now, with everything falling into place, we are in the mindset of, "Yay! Now we CAN do it!"

So... yes! GOD IS GREAT!!!!

Studio 13

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